We won't sleep together?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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