i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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