i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
