Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
