That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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