i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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