The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
the day after is always just damage control
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
