why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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