I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
