oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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