hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
