I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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