Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
