I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
