Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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