Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
