Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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