also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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