sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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