there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
