yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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