I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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