I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
