"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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