WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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