He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
