my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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