bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
