This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I could fuck to npr.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize