We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
