did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
