if you like me you must not know who I am
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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