and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
