I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
