1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
wanna go halves on a baby?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
tonight lets celebrate not being married
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
