I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize