I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We had sex on a dog bed..
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
