btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
