some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
