True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
