and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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