I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
