i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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