i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
