is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My nipple is on Facebook.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We had to coat check the pizza.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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