Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
