So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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