I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
