dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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