69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
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