Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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