Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
