it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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