I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize