I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
