I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
