Already got asked if we're dating
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
