how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
