From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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