Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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