yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
