just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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