forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
