In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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