If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
