What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
