I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
