i don't like sucking hair
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
