At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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