please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
