now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
