I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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