you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
