i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You don't make any sense
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